Don't be Fooled by the Cool


As you know, we have officially entered cuffing season. During this time, it’s important to not be fooled by the cool. The cool guy that just slid in your DM saying, “Hey big head!” and the cool weather that has you considering a Netflix & chill date with the guy that just “wittily” called your head big because you could use a warm body at night and maybe even a date to the next holiday party. Yeah, that cool. Don’t be fooled. Trust me, I myself have been guilty as charged.

This holiday and cuffing season, it may be a good idea to have a few alternatives. Otherwise, you may end up confusing those two days of  warm cuddling and quality time as real life interest. That sis, is no bueno. I’m sure a few of us have already began considering the “Hey big head!”,  “I miss you.” or the famous “What’s up, Stranger!” DMs and texts. Don’t worry, I have a few pointers to help avoid being fooled by the cool.

Wear Cute & Comfy PJs That Make You Feel Bomb!

Forget being hungry, we aren’t ourselves when we’re cold and not feeling our best. Hit up Old Navy, TJ Maxx, or your favorite store and pick up a cozy, cute PJ set or onesie. When you look good, you feel good (even at home). You’ll be so busy dancing around to Christmas music, taking selfies, and telling yourself how cute you look in your sleepwear that when you see that “I miss you.” text, you’ll quickly say to yourself “Oh, I know!” and keep it pushing. You know how we do when we feel our best. You can't tell us nothing!

Plan Dates with Your Girlfriends.

Rather than being fooled by the guy who called you “bighead” and told you AND your friend how beautiful you are via DM (because he somehow didn’t realize you were friends even though you two are in several photos side by side with the hashtag #Bestfriends), invite that friend along with your other home girls and have ladies’ night. You can hit the streets or indulge in some girl talk and cocktails in your cozy, cute PJs right at home. Nights with your girls are the BEST way to refrain from being fooled by the cool. They make us feel great about ourselves and won't expect anything from us at the end of the night. You'll be more comfortable because you won't have to worry about eating cute & light, taking a hoe bath before movie time, or wearing make up to bed. Best of all, when you wake up the next morning, there will be little to no regret. (Just make sure to hand one of your girls your phone before the third cocktail. Those drunk texts we tend to send between midnight and 2AM are not what’s up.)

Demand more than “Let’s chill.”

I’m not telling you to discount or not expect like/love this cuffing season, but what I am telling you is to not let your want for a warm touch have you out here accepting anything less than true courtship. Truth is, during this time most men are just looking for a warm place to lay their head at night and a warm body to lay under…until morning. Less people are leaving the house now because it’s too cold out, and folks naturally just want something to do. What’s more “warming” than companionship, even if it’s only temporary? Now if that’s what you’re looking for as well, then by all means go for it. No harm, no foul. But remember what you signed up for when the situation changes. Don’t make the mistake of committing yourself to a single man. Actions do speak louder than words, but don’t get caught up with a man that says, “he’s just having fun” all while acting as if you two are together. At the end of the day, he specifically said that fun is his objective. (Rubbing your booty and ordering you wings aint shit no way. Just my 7 cents on that.) If you’re looking for something more stable, especially during this time, make him prove himself. If he’s really interested, Netflix & chilling probably won’t be his first idea when you two are discussing dates and spending time together. He also won’t mind conversing with you over the phone or even through text (on a consistent basis). Don’t let that “well, I really just want to chill & spend time.” fool you. Tell him to meet you at Starbucks. Make sure he actually deserves to be in your space before granting that wish. Don't risk ending up with an unwanted roommate. Aint nobody got time for that!

Spend Time with Yourself.

Honey, 2018 will be here before you know it. Are your finances in order? Have you met your 2017 goals? Have you decided and written down your new, 2018 goals? Do you even have any goals at all? I’m not talking about a New Year’s Resolution, or “new year, new me” starter kit, I’m talking real life goals. Have you been talking about working out and getting in shape (standing at the mirror complaining every time you get dressed), but haven’t even moved a muscle? What is it that YOU want to accomplish for yourself? This is the perfect time to just be idle, write things down and take accountability. Sometimes we get so caught up involving ourselves with others (whether platonic or romantic), we forget about who’s most important. Ourselves. Now is the time to take a deep breath and evaluate everything from how you feel mentally and physically, to the current decisions you're making or about to make, to the people you have in your life. All of those things have a significant impact (believe it or not) and should be beneficial. May not be “popular” but it must be beneficial. Chile, I’ve had to do this myself. I’ve had to make self-realizations, take accountability, decide to stop playing “victim” because I was only a victim of my own decisions, and take the necessary steps towards better. As a matter of fact, I still do this from to time. Things don’t have to be bad to be unrewarding. Those evaluations are key. Once you begin spending time with yourself, you'll probably realize that you're actually way more dope and deserving than you thought. Before you know it, those played out lines in your DMs and text threads will be left in the “unread” category because you won’t have the time nor the interest. #Boop.

I’m just saying, don’t let these cute antics eventually have you out here going down with your whole world upside down, making subliminal posts on social media that he could care less about. Get you some comfy PJs, comfy socks, a warm blanket (maybe even a body pillow) and turn up the heat. Spend some time with your girls, and start planning for your 2018 & beyond because you have things to accomplish. If he's really that into you, he won't mind things happening on your time and at your pace. I know, it’s freezing out and the holidays are near, but stay strong. Make these men work. Don’t be fooled by the cool. #ReclaimYourTime2017



B. Sade


Brittany HubbardComment